Saturday, March 15, 2014

Plumbline #2 Rejection/Rebellion

In continuation of the last blog post about plumb line, we are going to look at the two extremes we tend to swing to when we are not plumb.  We tend to swing to one side or the other.  One side being rejection and the other being rebellion.  In most cases you will swing one way or the other, while some people may go between both at times.  Keep in mind that emotions in themselves are not moral; it is what we do with them that is right or wrong.  What we are under pressure is what we really are.  Angry Christians have unresolved hurt in their lives.  This rings true with me also.  I realized that when I have my angry bouts it tends to be when someone has done something that reminds me of a deep wound in my past that I never actually dealt with and stuffed it instead.  Let me tell you, stuffing is never good.. Ok, it is with turkey so I take that back..stuffing your pain is never good.  Remember how we talked about wounds and how it will get infected and fester and must be opened and scraped out and then sutured and healed?  Yeah, stuffing gets you there!  Blech!


One of the keys to how we react to things is the fact that we see the world the way that we are; not the way that it really is.  When we have unresolved hurts in our lives we tend to act out of rejection or rebellion and see the world through those lenses.  If we are feeling rejected from a past hurt, we tend to feel rejected anytime we are feeling insecure or hurt in anyway.  They stem from the same root.  While you are reading this you should take a minute and think about the authority figures in your life and any traumatic experiences you had with them.  Since then, as an adult, or teen, do you see any childlike responses that you have had show up in your life? 


Lets look at the two extremes:  Rejection:  These are the stones in the wall of rejection that we build up when we have unresolved hurt stemming from rejection.  *Sadness * self pity *self hatred *depression *apathy *inferiority *failure *guilt.  When we went through these, man, I was marking almost all of them!  I struggle with every single one of them except apathy, and Im sure I have at times.  I couldnt believe how many I had marked - what about you?  Do any of these resonate with you? 


Now, with rebellion, it is a different story completely the stones of rebellion are: *hostility *conceit, *sophistication, *elation & deflation, *competitiveness, *superiority, *dominance, *rigidity, *stubborn, *unteachableness, *delusion.  How about these?  Any of these resonate with you?  I only had a couple on this one. 


With the rebellious person, they tend to walk in sin more so than those on the rejection side.  The thing with sin is it is like cancer in the body, it spreads and takes over.  The people on the rebellion side tend to have a spirit of bitterness, resentment, be critical, controlling and struggle with possessiveness.


People on the rejection side need to forgive due to holding grudges, whereas people on the rebellion side usually need to ask for forgiveness.  These words under each category are markers of a life out of line with the Lord.  It is not WHO we are.  It is NOT our identity.  The key to knowing our identity is that it is in God!  KNOW God!  When we are swinging out of plumb we are sick.  Sick people are limited in their effectiveness.  Whole, free, anointed people are affective in evangelism.  We are ALL called to be evangelists!  We are all to spread the word of the Lord wherever we are so dont think, well, it doesnt matter for me b/c Im not a missionary.  Wrong, you ARE a missionary.  You may or may not be out of your home country but you are a missionary where you are! 


We must deal with the sickness instead of just treating the symptoms.  What is the root of the issue?  Where does the pain originally come from?  Where is the original wound?  When we react to things it is a reflection of our heart and our reactions are simply symptoms.  What are your triggers?  What causes you to react in those ways? We must own our triggers.  What is it that causes you to respond out of rejection or rebellion?  Own up to it.  We are all experiencing a love deficit when we are acting out of rejection or rebellion.  NO PERSON can ever fill your love needs.  With the plumb line, we tend to have the authority figure at the top, holding the pendulum and dependent upon our reaction to their responses to us we swing to rejection or rebellion.  The solution to this constant swinging is to replace those authority figures who have been at the top for so long with God.  Allow God to hold the pendulum and fall in line with him. 


We must deal with the foundation of which we have built our walls and tear down each brick (those mentioned above) and reset the foundation.  In rejection the foundation stone is unbelief while the foundation stone of rebellion is pride.  We must lay down the burden of our sins and come boldly to the throne of grace to receive mercy.  (2 Cor 6: 16- 7:1) Then we must build our relationship with the Lord.  Ministry is an overflow of our relationship with God.  If we arent filled up, we cant overflow.  We cant be effective in ministry with open wounds everywhere.  We must build on the chief cornerstone - JESUS! 


We need revelation of our own hearts.  Once we have revelation, we can have transformation!  Knowledge bring sight.. think about it, we go to the Doctor because they know things we dont; they have studied and know how the body works and what things look like; because they do, they have sight we dont.  A botanist knows plants; we would have no clue looking at plants whether or not you could eat them or what they are for unless we too studied them and thus had sight.  If we Know Jesus, and we KNOW the Father, we will have sight.  We are all seeking love - the love deficit we have is really a God deficit.  Ask the Lord to reveal himself to you. 


One of the important things to tearing down these walls is that we must also deal with repentance.  Maybe you have someone you need to seek forgiveness from; maybe you need to forgive someone.  Maybe you have been a victim for a long time of abuse or other situations, if you will take responsibility for even the smallest part that was your responsibility, that will change things for you.  I will admit that when I heard this, I got upset, and by upset, I mean livid.  I couldnt believe that they would suggest that I somehow was responsible for any of the abuse that I lived through. 


As I sought the Lord about it though, he began to show me even the smallest things that I had not taken responsibility for that lead to certain wounds.  Yes, I was wounded, badly, but I opened myself up to it by making poor decisions in direct disobedience to my parents wishes and or advice.  For example, when I was a teen, I was raped.  I thought, how on earth was that my fault in any way??? Well, God reminded me that I was not supposed to be dating; I was defying my parental authority by sneaking around with a boy that then landed me in that situation.  No, I did not ask to be raped, want to be raped, expect to be raped, I did however pursue a relationship that I was never supposed to have.  I had to own up to that.  In my previous marriage, I was abused to no end.  I remember one night I had a knife held to my throat with my 10 month old son in my arms as my head was bashed into the mirror shattering it.  Did I ask for that? No, but I did marry a man that did not have the same beliefs as me in God and did not value what I valued.  I was unequally yoked.  Again, I chose to be in that relationship that God forbid me to be in.  I had to take responsibility for my part.  This was a hard step for me and yet it was so freeing and lifted off so many burdens I have carried for so long.  Do you have anything that you need to take responsibility for and seek forgiveness from? 


One of the activities we did at this point in class was to write a letter to the Father and then write  a  response back from the Father to us.  Dont read either before you have written both.  Share with him what is on your heart in regard to this post and the last; then listen and write what he has to say to you in response.  Once you are done, read them both.  This was so powerful for all of us.  Yes, the Lord will speak to you.  Just be open and honest and write until you dont feel you have anything else to write and then get another piece of paper or a new tab on your documents and listen to what the Father has to say in response. 


More to come

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Plumbline part 1

I have not posted in a while here - not that there is nothing happening, much the opposite.  There are so many things happening and so much exciting news and testimonies to share that I have been overwhelmed with all of the details.  I am not wanting to leave anything out, but then again, you signed up for a blog, not a novel!  I have been pondering what to write and what not to write - how can you even edit down God's goodness and all that he is doing???  I dunno!  That's why it's taken me so long; not that I have it figured out at all but hey, I guess you don't have to read it all if you don't want to but I have a feeling that once you start to hear of all the amazing miracles taking place you won't really care about how long it is or maybe you'll take a break and come back and read more later?  All I know is that I am amazed by our glorious, all  powerful, all knowing, all loving God that has come down from heaven, into earth and given up his life for us and even then has sent us the Holy Spirit to dwell within us and help us in our daily lives.  WOAH!

Ok, so we have had almost 3 full weeks of teachings since my last update.  We have had some very intense teachings on the Holy Spirit, plumbline (I'll explain), and missional living.  We had two wonderful teachers for Plumbline and Holy Spirit week that are originally from South Africa and now work at the YWAM base in Tyler, TX as full time missionaries.  Barbara taught the majority of plumbline and Roy taught Holy Spirit week.  They are a power couple for sure.  God is doing and has done amazing things in their lives and through their ministry of teaching these two weeks.

When the week started out I was a bit nervous of what it was all going to be about.  Plumbline.  What is that even?  You may know, I hadn't a clue!  I was thinking of the underground plumbing or something of the sort.  Well, actually, it is one of those pendulum things that you hold in the air by the string and it swings back and forth until it stops dead on straight with the weight thing at the bottom pointing straight down.  I am not sure that made any sense to anyone else but me - so if not, google it! :) Bryan said he used to use it in surveying land if that helps anyone understand.

Wayne started out introducing the class and preparing us for the impending ....  well, I'll just tell you how he explained it.. if you are snacking, you may want to pause....  Ok, you put your food away yet?  If not, I'll assume you have a strong stomach and I am not responsible for any damages done to your keyboard.   Ok, it's not THAT bad but it is nasty...

He explained that we must first acknowledge we have a wound. When we have a wound and it is not treated properly what happens?  Infection sets in.. it becomes / stays painful.  He described a festering wound and even eluded to a boil that must be lanced when you go to the Dr. to get it taken care of.  He very descriptively expressed how the wound must be opened up and the infection dug out of it where they take the gauze and repeatedly flush the wound and scrape it over and over until all infection is removed.  OUCH and EWWW!  Then if you go to a traditional ER then they will apply gauze and antibiotics - we however would apply essential oils to treat the infection and then the final step would be healing.  1. Acknowledge  2. dig out infection 3. oils 4. healing.

I don't know about you but most people, especially me would prefer to just get healing.  I don't want to think about the wound, dig it up and out and treat it and then heal. I want it over and done with.  I suppose that's why I've had so many struggles in my life and partial healings.  I want the quick fix.  I want to stuff it.  I don't want to think about, much less talk about my painful past and all the hurts from childhood to now.  I want to move on.  I want to forget it.  Well folks, I'm here to tell you that doesn't work.  Not anyway, not anyhow.  You see when you don't want to even acknowledge the wound - ok, I would acknowledge the wounds - I did not however acknowledge the infection that had set in that was wreaking havoc in my body and spirit - when you don't do that - you don't get the infection out and it festers and what does infection do?  It spreads.  We must clear out the infection and allow Jesus to come in and do his healing work and then .. we are healed!  We no longer have a wound, we have a scar and you wanna know something cool about scars?  They don't hurt.

You may never forget what happened to you, that's ok.  But hopefully, after you reading this maybe you too will find that you need healing of some old, festering wounds and will seek the Father and receive healing!  I'll tell you more of how I received my healing and my process as we go on.  Just know, there is hope!  If you know my back story, you know I have dealt with immense amounts of abuse in my life, from all aspects - physical, emotional, verbal.  I have had many hurts from past relationships, shoot, even present relationships.  I am a stuffer.  I stuff it and "forget about it"  only, I don't really forget.  Instead I spend 50% or more of my energy (as do most people per some stats we were given) suppressing those memories and trying to "not think about it".  I have come to terms that this way of living is not working for me.  I want freedom.  I want healing.  Let's dig a little deeper and see what lies beneath the surface and seek healing.

First and foremost, we must know who we are.  Who are you?  Where are you coming from?  Where are you going?  What is valuable to you?  If you are like me your first responses to those questions may have gone a little something like this:  I am a mom, I am a wife, I am a sister, I am a daughter.  I come from a hard past full of pain - but I'm ok!  I am not sure where I'm going.  God?  My family is valuable to me, integrity and truth are valuable to me.  Are we tracking?  Maybe?  Maybe not? 

When you base your IDENTITY on a ROLE you will be in and out of identity crisis.  Your ROLE is NOT your IDENTITY. 

Did you read that?  Did you UNDERSTAND that?  Read it again.

If you are anything like me you took that as a blow to the gut and yet at the same time you think "Ok!  I don't want to do that then so... WHO am I?"

Why were you born?  What are your pains?  What are you doing about why you were born?

Where are you going?

God calls us to have goals and objectives.  We need seek the Lord for the answers to those questions above - He WILL answer you.  He will tell you.  You know that right?  No?  Try it.  Stop reading now, sit back in your chair and ask the Lord - God WHO am I?  WHY was I born?  Where am I going?  I suggest you have a pen and paper and as you listen to the Lord, write down what he tells you.  Date it.  Keep it.  Ponder it.  Pray for revelation.  Revelation brings transformation!  Get your revelation from God and ACT ON IT!

Why were you born? What are you doing about why you were born?

Whatever it is that you were born to do... DO IT!

We all have walls that we have built up.  Like it or not, we do this.  God will allow storms to destroy our walls and reveal our foundation.  Do you struggle with Anger?  I do.  Did you know that Anger is a secondary emotion?  It comes as a result of fear/ pain.  What we are under pressure is what we truly are.  Angry Christians have unresolved hurt in their lives.  That was me.  Ok, I am acknowledging I have pain from wounds that are infected.. step one right?

We talked about our first memories.  Can your think of your first memory?  Mine was a painful one.  It hurt me to even think about it and now, I had to say it out loud.  I was at my mom's house as a little girl where I lived with her and my big brother.  One day his daddy came to pick him up for a visit.  I was left behind on the porch watching as they smiled and laughed with each other, got in the car and drove away.  See, the key to this story is, he was MY daddy too.  I didn't know it at the time.  I didn't know why bubba got to go with that man and play and I didn't.  I didn't understand why I was being left behind.  When I later found out that he was indeed my daddy too, that hurt even more.  That was my first memory.  I felt rejected.  I felt abandoned.  I felt left behind.  What is yours?  How did it make you feel?