Do you know how hard it is to be strong?
This is tough.
As soon as I thought that, God reminded me of this...
2 Corinthians 12:9-11
New International Version (NIV)
9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Wow - I don't know about delighting in this..
This is not something I enjoy.
This pain is real.
It hurts to the innermost part of my core.
Today was hard folks, I'm not gonna lie.
I have avoided writing this post all day. It is almost midnight here and our appointment took place at 9am.
That should tell you something.
We never realized just how hard this might be.
We thought, ok God, you have a plan.
You had us find out about Anastasia after we had our SDA appt, plane tickets, kids and business taken care of and so we know that you want us here.
We had this idealized view of what today was going to be.
We were going to go into our appointment and of course hear the not so joyous words of "you know your child has been adopted" and we'd have to say "yes, we are aware" and then they would show us 3 pictures of perfectly healthy, beautiful little girls all in our age range and all just perfect and "ripe for the picking".
We did go in and we did have to hear those innevetable words that our daughter was gone.
We did get pictures placed in front of us.
MANY, MANY pictures.
I lost count how many.
We had so many options it was overwhelming.
As they were pulling the files, I saw a glimpse of a photo that I could only see the shoes, it was a blue sandal. I felt as though something in me leapt and said, pick that one, that's the one, the one with the sandal. Stay focused, pick the sandal.
I'm thinking, ok God, most of these kids have the same shoes or type of shoes, I'm not going to remember that, I'll try but really, a sandal? You're telling me a sandal?
I brushed it off..
Must be just me wanting to pick that easy.
Yes, I'll take the one with the blue sandal please.
No, don't need to look at any others, don't care what is wrong with her or how hard it will be, we will take her. God said so. The one with the blue sandals, where do I sign?
Thank you. Bye-bye.
I didn't do that.
I sat there, nervous as a cat in a rain storm - shaking and sweating and mulling it all over.
We sat there as they flipped the first file over and showed us a picture of a girl, then another and another and another..
Each of these children were not what we expected though.
Either there was a family member that had stopped prior adoption attempts, a child that didn't want a large family ( think 5 kids is large?), or ones that had never said yes to anyone, ones that were way outside our age range we were hoping for or ones that were completely paralized, ones that the region doesn't like to do adoptions and more. This was not what we expected at all!
It appeared that with any of them there was going to be a battle.
I questioned God.
What are you doing to us??
Why is this so difficult?
Who do you have for us?
How do we know?
Why is this such a fight?
Why can't it be easy?
Haven't we been through enough?!
Since when did I say this was easy?
Since when are you not up for difficult?
You don't think she's worth the fight?
I don't even know who SHE is???
Fight for her.
Ok God, there are a TON of kids here.
None of them with ideal situations of what our expectations were.
Who do we choose?
Ahem, the shoe.
I feel totally crazy about this but ok.
Sasha, tell me about this girl again.
Well, we are told she is 9 years old. Is in an orphanage in Western Ukraine where it is very difficult to adopt from.
Not many orphans are there and not many are adopted out.
This will be difficult but it is worth a shot.
Let's give it a try Sasha says.
I look to Bryan who is almost sick to his stomach with the stress of all of this and we agree.
We'll give it a shot.
We'll give it a shot.
So, tomorrow we will get our official referral for Tatyana.
I don't have a picture to share yet as we are not given one unless we have one to trade.. of course, we don't yet so, we'll get one and post it as soon as we can.
I didn't tell Bryan about the shoe till after it was over by the way.
Maybe that would have made it a bit easier?
Think he'd've listened to "the shoe" comment?