Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Heartbreak and hope today...

I sit writing this blog with a broken, yet hopeful heart.
My eyes and body are sore and tired from the tears.
Our family is missing someone very special..
Anastasia.

We got to our SDA appointment and were sitting in the car waiting for our time to be closer so we could go into the building.
I was so nervous in the car that we should be inside.
We sat and waited and were assured Sasha would be out for us any minute.
At 3pm, our appointment time, we went inside b/c we just couldn't sit there any longer.

About 3:20pm Sasha came down the stairs and called us up.
We went into the same office we were in last time with the same young lady.
Only this time, things were different.
Something was wrong.
You could feel it in the room.
We asked what is going on and they said we can't find her in the system.
WHAT???
You can't find her??
We stopped right ther and prayed.
God, please help us!
Help them find her!
We gave them the info we had and they looked in the paper files and came back with the news..

She is not ready for adoption.

Why??

Someone dropped the ball somewhere.

She has been in the orphanage for 5 years and their papers show that she's only been in the registry for 6 months.
They are required to be in the registry for 1 year before becoming available for adoption.
Her papers were sent in 2 years ago but lost in the mix somewhere and that means she can't be adopted yet.
Our hearts broke right there.
The tears flowed and the begging began.
Please!
Please!
Please help her! 
We are here and we want to adopt her!
There has to be something SOMEONE can do to help us get her!
They know she's been in the orphanage longer than that.
Why can't they fix that?
Can anyone make an exception?
ANYONE?

NO.

We cried, begged, pleaded all to no avail.
We went to the highest official at the SDA and she said there is nothing she can do.
They did tell us that she will be available at the end of the summer and we can come back to get her but that we'd have to start all over on our papers and all.

They said they have a couple of other girls a little bit older that we can see if we'd like that are paper ready.
We just wanted our daughter.
She has already become a part of our family.
As crazy as it sounds to already love her and miss her and want her...
WE DO!

So, we decided that maybe this was God's will for us to save another little girl.
They had 2 girls from the same orphanage both a few months older than her.
One had a sister and we don't want to break up siblings nor can we handle it if they tell us no again.
We've had our hearts broken enough on this trip.
So, we said tell us about this other little girl.

They showed us her picture and she is little and blonde and just a cutie.
It was hard to trust them to open our hearts again and wonder is everything really ready on her?
The assured us it was.

So, we accepted the referral and we will come back to get the official paperwork on her tomorrow and go to meet her on Friday.

Now, we are of course wondering why God allowed this to happen and yet at the same time trusting him.
We know he has a plan and maybe it was for us to fall in love with Anastasia so that we would fight for her and come back to get her and in the mean time as our hearts are still open for another girl that he chose this girl for us now.

We have asked for all the details of exactly when she'll be ready and how much it will cost us to come back and get her.

We can't give up on her!

So, we will work and do what we can to get her too!

You may think we are crazy and that is ok.
You may think we are out of our minds and that is ok too.
You may think what are they doing?
Following God.
Through thick and thin,
good and bad,
easy and hard.
Trusting him.

Funny thing is that this afternoon just before the appointment I told Bryan I had a dream that I was pregnant with our 6th child.
Maybe that was God birthing that child of my heart ahead of time!

I will ask you now that if you have anything negative to say, please keep it to yourself.
We are not seeking to gain your approval, Only God's.
That is all that matters to us!

We will trust, follow and obey, no matter how curvy the road may be.

So, please pray for our family.
For all of our children!

Pray for Anastasia as she waits.
Pray for us as we navigate the process again.
Pray for the finances.
Pray for the little girl we are going to meet on Friday.
Her name is Katherine.
She is said to have 2 older siblings grown that never come to see her.
Father declared dead by the courts and mother's rights terminated in 2009.
Pray that God will make a way where there seems to be no way for these girls.
Maybe just maybe they are best friends and that's why God opened our heart to one and then the other?
Who knows?
God knows and that is all that matters!

Thank you all for your prayers and support.

What a journey!

14 comments:

  1. You are following God and that's the only way to go. I firmly believe you'll be going back again when she becomes available to adopt. Six seems like a perfect number to me. Praying!!

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  2. I sure hope so! God will have to provide the finances and clear the road for sure! We are willing to follow wherever he leads!

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  3. One day at a time, one hour, one minute, ONE GOD! You need not be concerned about anyone other than God's direction. Only He know the plan for your family. Continued prayers and guidance for each of you. Rest and relax in God's arms, He is in charge. ((((HUGS)))) to each and every one of you.

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  4. All I can say is: Go Horner family Go!!!! Praying, crying and hopeful with you, knowing that God can do ALL things!

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  5. You guys rock and God uses the bleakest situations to show off His power and I am begging him to reign down from Heaven onto you guys! Hugs and Love, The Andrews' Clan

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  6. Praying for you! The Lord works in mysterious ways. I think you were clearly shown what he wants you to do via your dream. With Anastasia, it's just a delay...maybe something needs to happen with her over there to provide her closure and that is why things are the way they are? God Bless!

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  7. How sad! But you only need to seek God ! His will is all and blessing will come even when we may not be looking!! Praying for you and your family!

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  8. Wow I so want to ball right now for u guys! I am so sorry Anastasia is not "ready" per them, but so happy that another little girl will be and will have a loving home!!!! Praying for u guys as always!! Love u!!

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  9. Praying right now that God will make the government dance. I can't recall that reference right now. When I find it I will send it to you! Remember God is in control, not the government.

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  10. You are trust in God is so amazing! I am so glad you aren't giving up. God sent you a curve ball and now you will have two more daughters! By the way, my daughter's name is Anastasia! Good luck and my prayers are with you!

    Catherine

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  11. I am praying for you guys!!! I love you all so much! Keep seeking God and following HIM! That is NEVER the wrong path!

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  12. Praying for you all and trusting that God's perfect plan will be revealed to you. Carley wants Lexi to know she is missing her and praying for her!

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  13. WOW Thank you all for your support!

    Catherine - your post gave us chills!! Your name is Catherine and daughter Anastasia.. we are hoping to adopt Catherine and Anastasia!!
    HOW COOL IS THAT!?!?! Made me smile even through my tears this morning!

    Kathy! Alexis is BEGGING to talk to Carley! Do you have Skype? We can talk on that or you can send me your home phone number and we can call you. She misses Carley so bad! if you are on skype we are alecia.horner

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  14. God will guide you and you will do what's right for these little girls and if that means another trip to Russia then God will make a way where there seems to be no way! we are praying for you and your children as you are on this journey! God bless you and your family!

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